Bubbles

Some of the first two words out of Braxton's mouth were "Oh, WOW". They are still some of his favorite words to use. I have heard him speak those words more than I can count. He says it when someone walks through the door, he says it when the garage door opens or closes, he says it when he sees a bird, airplane or ant.

On a recent Saturday, Eric and I were sitting on the driveway blowing bubbles for Braxton and out came the "Oh, WOW". As he saw the bubbles being formed, the expression on Braxton's face was one of sheer awe. I looked at Eric and commented, "when was the last time bubbles made you that happy?"

To be honest, I can't remember when ANYTHING made me that happy. I don't mean to suggest that I am not a happy person, I am. I love my life. I love my husband. I love my child. But I can't remember the last time I was in awe of something; an awe that lead to sheer happiness.

It made me wonder. When do we lose that ability to have that child like reaction to simple occurances? Or rather, when does that sense of awe and wonder no longer become second nature? Perhaps that's why Jesus challenges us to have a childlike heart.

I am not shy about telling people that Braxton was not planned (by us). I had a hard time coming to terms with being pregnant, becoming a mother, caring for a child. I have never been so scared and angry in my life. I had such a sense of loss, that my life as I envisioned it was over. Being a mom was the last thing I had wanted.

While I was praying for God to give me the joy that most people feel when they are preparing for a child, God kept whispering to me "for such a time as this". It was drowned out by my tears and sulking for the first half of my pregnancy, but eventually I listened to the sweet voice of God. Up until now, I interpreted this as meaning that God has a great purpose for Braxton's life, something beyond what I can imagine. I believe this to be true with all that I am.

But what I am learning is that "for such a time as this" was also meant for me. I am learning so many things as a mother. Things that shape who I am and my outlook on life. I now know that God gave me Braxton so I would be better than I ever could be without him.

It seems as though God's timing was......perfect.