I have never wanted to be a stay at home mom(SAHM). Never. From my previous posts, it is clear that I had a hard time becoming a mom at all. I have openly questioned my mother, my aunts and others who were SAHMs. I didn't get it, I didn't understand it, it was like they were speaking a foreign language to me. How could someone in their right mind want to stay home and raise kids? I even remember writing in my journal after Braxton was born that I needed my life to be more than "dishes and diapers".
I started working again when Braxton was 6 weeks old and I loved it. I uprooted by family when Braxton was 5 months old to pursue my career in Washington, DC. Since I was 15, I have been telling people I want to develop 3rd world economies. It is my mission and focus all through college. The first time I met Eric, I asked him what his mission in life was and his response was "I want to start businesses and use the profits to help people in Africa start their own businesses." Which is essentially developing the economies in Africa. 6 months later, we were engaged.
Recently, however, I am becoming less and less fulfilled at work and more and more fulfilled at home. It's odd to me and to be honest, it scares me. I do not want to be an empty nester who regrets not doing more in life and is left figuring out who I am without children. I don't want to loose who I am, but I also do not want to live my life chasing an ideal utopian purpose.
I understand, at least on an intellectual level, that there are seasons in life and that God's timing is perfect. So as I try to understand the emotions that I am feeling, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I still believe that my purpose in life has not changed, but that it is simply not the right time.
It is not often that movies impact my life greatly. I enjoy them and move on. But I have been so touched by the movie The Blind Side. I saw my future self in LeeAnne Touhy. I saw the Christal who works a flexible career that she enjoys and who advocates fiercely for her children and changes peoples lives in the process.
This revelation in myself and my purpose has caused me to really take issue with the phrase "life is short". This phrase is touted by motivational speakers, teachers, mentors, pastors and network marketers. All of them, advocating that we live every moment to the fullest and that we leverage every minute and opportunity we have to maximize our potential. Now this is an important philosophy, but in the right context.
If we unrelentingly live our life by this, then we will walk when God wants us to rest and talk when God wants us to listen, all out of fear that we will not accomplish all that we think we should.
When we subscribe to "life is short" then we tend not to "be patient and lean not on our own understanding". It opens us up to stray from God's path. Satan distracts us with the microwave conveniences and shortcuts, but God designed us to be slow cooked in the oven; allowing for us to marinate and set with the full flavors of our experiences coupled with His wisdom.
Life is long. Enjoy it. Seize the moments when God opens the door, but welcome and relax when He gives you rest.
Remember this, when you hear someone saying that "life it short", food always tastes better when it comes out of the oven.......and so will your soul.
